"Revisions," the Dreaded Word

"When are you going to start your revisions?" my mentor asked, looking at me straight through her glasses.

My heart stopped for a second. Revisions. I forgot about those. Goosebumps are starting to rise. Have I looked at the edits my mentor sent me? Yes. Was I trying to push off on having to actually revise my stories? Yes.

Usually what happens after I finish a story is me celebrating for about 10 minutes, sending it to my mentor, and then never looking at them again. Why? Because I'm ashamed of my poor grammar, my lack of sophisticated vocabulary, and my tendency to jump over plot points to get to the ending. Reading the edits sent back to me causes me to cringe, because then I have to look at all those failed parts of my story. In detail.

I picture finishing a story like finishing an essay. You're done, and you're ready to move on. But then you see your grade, and you cry for a bit, because turns out, you weren't actually done with the essay.

Now that I think about it, maybe the idea of revisions isn't so scary. What I should've pictured revisions as wasn't the grade I got back from the essay, but the chance to revise it. Revising an essay actually gets you a higher grade, so when you receive your grade back for it, you feel accomplished from doing the extra work.

Revising my stories will be painful, and I will continue cringing, but I should also be proud of the progress made. Maybe now it'll be less hard to re-visit those stories.